New Year, New Me... Maybe?

I have reached a point in my blog (and my life) where I feel the need to reintroduce myself.

               So, hi there! My name is Natalie. I am a wife, a mother, a photographer, and a lover of all things crafty. I am also a strong believer that Christ is the only reason I am able to do what I do. I am weird and quirky. My hair is currently 3 different shades of blue, see I told you, I'm weird! I love all things Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Batman, Marvel, Doctor Who, Indiana Jones, crochet, crafting, DIY! I love to try new things and am constantly tackling the organization of our home and our budget. My life is incredibly exhausting and exhilarating, and I can never thank God enough for that. I love to meet new people but also hold onto the people I have fiercely. Spend a day with me and you will hear about my amazing husband, my bulldozing son, and nearly everything that comes to my mind. I love to dance, and am also very prone to self sustained injuries. Planners, binders, and photographs are some of my favorite things. I try to grow and hone my photography skills as much as possible, and I am pretty sure I've grown leaps and bounds this year and still have loads more to do. My favorite things to photograph have got to be families. The love that you can see in their eyes (once they relax) makes the entire experience that much more fun! My favorite type of shot to create is a motion shot, jump for me baby! Right now, my son and I have a routine that makes my entire world spin. I tell him "Good Job!" and he claps emphatically, and when he doesn't I say "Where's my clapping?" then he claps till I chuckle. It is pretty much amazing! I started this blog well over two years ago, but lost it during the pregnancy and first year of my son's life. Now that he is nearly 15 months old, I'd love to get back at it.

Whew! That was a mouth full, well really more like an eye full for you though. As my son becomes more independent I find myself trying to define just who I am. It is easy to say that I am mom and a wife. But, I needed to find out who I really am and what I love. In that pursuit I found that being those things is a huge part of who I am, but it is not all I am. I am also realizing that all the things I don't like about myself also help make up who I am.

Now it's your turn. Tell me a bit about yourself! Do you ever find the need to reevaluate your life? I'd love to hear from you!

Insecurity

Hello, how are you today? Is your day treating you fairly? Probably not. You remember the age old saying "life isn't fair", right?

Anyhow...

It has been brought to my attention recently that insecurity is not such the small hurdle I make it out to be. I toss it aside everyday with the motif that everyone goes through it. Yes, it is a common thing for people to go though. And yet, that somehow does not belittle the insecurity that I drown in. I am not one to share my insecurity lightly, but I know that doing so may help another with theirs.

As a wife, mom, woman, and photographer there are many areas of me life under attack from insecurity.

On the wife field, I strive to help my prince and uplift him daily. There are plenty of times when I let the frustration get to me and fail in both aspects. You know the frustration I speak of, the kind that comes from his man brain not seeing the same level my woman brain does. I am not attempting to say that I view myself above him, but there are certain conclusions I come to that baffle him and the other way around as well. Lets face it, our brains are wired differently (thank God, I would not want to live with another me). So, when I let that frustration in and give into it, I do not succeed in my endeavors to be the help mate that God made me to be. I do not live up to my full potential as a wife more often then not, and it weighs on me. It creates a level of insecurity all it's own.

As a mom, I want to give my monkey the best I possibly can. There are many days when, in my mind, I do not reach that goal. One instance would be breastfeeding. I set out to strictly breast feed him until he was at least six months old. Then, one week into his life we were forced to give him a bottle for two days (I was in the hospital, and he was not). He took right to breastfeeding after that road bump. But, not three months later he started not wanting to work for the breast milk. So, I started pumping. By the time I had really gotten into the groove of pumping and built up a supply (an entire month later) he completely refused to even let the breast near his mouth. Within two weeks he was refusing to drink the pumped breast milk. I was broken. Not only had I lost the closeness that breast feeding brought, but now I was no longer his food source. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with formula, and he sleeps better now that he is on formula. But, this was not what I had envisioned with my first child. For quite some time I felt as if I failed him for not being able to provide the best for him. I found ways to still get that closeness, but I still felt as if I let him down. That insecurity was enough to have me in tears nearly every time he ate.

Being a woman is no easy feat in and of itself, but like most of us do, I put way too much pressure on myself to perfect it. I want to look great, feel great, cook great, make great things, be a great friend and have great friends. I want to be an overall great woman. Yeah, like that is obtainable! I may lock down one of those great traits a day. And when only one works and not all of them I feel as if I have failed myself and the friends I so long to have. You can imagine what that insecurity can do to a woman!

As a photographer, I want to offer the best product at the best prices. No matter how highly you view your own work, there is always someone who does not feel the same. I am constantly comparing myself to other photographers. There are some much better than I am who I love to watch just to catch a little ray of their creativity. Then there are others who do not produce the same quality I do, but they charge more and have a far bigger clientele. That just tells me I am doing something wrong, but how do I even start to fix it? Then I have clients who do not want to pay the small amount I charge to begin with, so how can I raise my prices to match my skill set without losing clients? Insecurity at it's finest, tearing apart what little confidence I have as a photographer.


There are many aspects in everyone's life that insecurity can take hold of and damage. How can we fight it? How can we protect ourselves from it? There is only one answer to this question as well. God! Leaning on God is the only way we can make it through and past our raging insecurities. I do not proclaim to know how to make it past this, but I do know that God is the only one who can lead us down that path.

It's been forever

Hello World!

I know, I know. What's up with the not posting anything? It seems like it's been forever. I've been highly busy between an infant and my own business. Sadly, that is no excuse. I promise to do my best to keep this blog up as well.

Earlier today, the prince and I watched a wonderful movie titled "Mom's Night Out". When we set out to watch the movie I was ready for a fun filled flick with a ton of laughs. I was prepared to cuddle up with the hubby and giggle at the comedic perils of a fictional character. I was in no way ready for the impact that movie would have on me or the hard self truths it force me to look at. I was not prepared for the nudges and deep looks I received from my prince with every profound moment the movie produced.

If you have not seen the movie, I would highly recommend it! I don't want to give anything away, but the main character takes you through a couple hardcore and amazing days as a woman, a wife, and a mother! She also delves all watchers into her personal issues of feeling inadequate and unhappiness in her dream life.

The main key I pulled from the movie is this: God didn't make a mistake! I am his masterpiece! And even with my faults and mistakes, he finds me completely wonderful!

I know for a fact that I am too hard on myself, in all aspects from motherhood to wifery and my business. Despite what anyone may say, in my mind, I will never be good enough or enough period! And, I know that I am not alone in this feeling. There are women and men all around the world that struggle with that exact feeling.

And there is only one answer to that feeling, God made you in his image of human perfection! And there is no way he made a mistake in making you the way you are! You are wonderfully made, and he loves you so incredibly much!

I AM HIS MASTERPIECE! AND SO ARE YOU!

I know this in no way stops the horrible life sucking feelings all together. But, it sure can help to know that despite any and every time you make a mistake, you are loved and valued. This thought helps every time I hear it. Now, I just need to make sure I hear it often. And so do you!

If you ever need a reminder in this, look no further!

It has been a wonderful time with you lovelies! Talk with you all soon!

P.S. Don't forget to follow my photography blog here!